My fascination with the Donner Party began a couple of years ago after reading Ethan Rarick's novel "Desperate Passage: The Donner Party's Perilous Journey West." This book was given to me by a colleague who thought I might like it.
And like I did.
Since then I've been quietly drawn to this group of American pioneers who set out for California in a wagon train. Having had no memory of this event in U.S. history class, I became engrossed in the story of the Donner Party's ill-fated journey West, particularly the women and children. I mourned those who perished and rejoiced that anyone survived. And still I can’t get over the fact that this all happened in 1846-47 - less than 175 years ago! This is history, yet so near to us.
Earlier this year, via National Public Radio's Book Notes, I happened upon another book, which filled me with more information about the Donner Party, and also gave me a sense of personal peace as a working mother. Gabrielle Burton's 2009 memoir "Searching for Tamsen Donner" gave name to what I’ve been feeling for several years — a yearning to change the dynamics of husband-wife roles.
Until I read this book it never occurred to me that my own desire — to make married men whose wives work outside of the home more accountable in raising the family — may already be part of the Women’s Liberation Movement.
My husband and I more than once have said in jest that we need a wife. To me it is not a laughing matter, however. I REALLY could use some regular help. Animosity creeps in my relationship with my husband when I compare my workload to his. Sometimes the grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, housework, children's homework, setting and keeping doctor appointments, etc. overwhelm me, and I ask, "Why aren't husbands sharing equally in these tasks?"
Since hiring a “wife” — a housekeeper, personal assistant, nanny, cook, etc.— is out of the question, I believe sharing half of the responsibilities of raising our family with my husband would make ME happy.
It seems right. I believe ...
Then I realize that there’s a guilt that accompanies my idea, like my loyalties would be divided. If I were to relinquish some of my duties, I would be going against something that all of the women in my family have had to endure for decades. I also cower because my husband does help with some of the chores and the children, and I appreciate that.
So for a while I put it out of my mind. But it always resurfaces.
Our foremothers were expected to carry the burdens of the home and children, while their husbands labored outside of the home. It was hard work then and it is hard work now, for women — especially women who now work outside of the home. Times have changed.
In mid-1977, five years after being introduced to the Donner Party's famed heroine Tamsen Donner, Burton and her family set out on a six-week cross-country trip tracing the path of Tamsen. Burton had become obsessed with Tamsen, making parallels between her life and Tamsen’s. Tamsen was mother to five daughters (three were her husband George’s daughters from his first marriage). Burton and her husband Roger have five daughters.
During that summer and the years that followed Burton's writing trip (that never materialized into a Donner-related book until now) she takes us through a “personal odyssey,” telling how her children’s needs threatened to swallow her, reliving the guilt and personal conflict associated with wanting to have an identity other than a mother and wife. She struggled to be both a writer and a mother "and vice versa, giving equal weight to both, as men do."
Burton, unlike me, quickly identified her dilemma and joined the Women's Movement. She became filled with knowledge and inspiration about what could be.
Burton, in her book, says that women are still fighting the same battles as 35 years ago. "We're still the only industrialized nation not to have government child care; most employers haven't changed to accommodate their workers; and though fathers are doing more parenting, for the most part the bulk still falls on the mothers, employed outside the home or not."
Somewhere along the way, the dynamics of Burton's family's roles changed.
“Roger and my daughters allowed me to be a writer. I don’t mean that they gave me permission, I mean they didn’t consume all my time with their demands … the nicest husbands and children will eat you up alive if you offer yourself on the plate, and they’ll ask for second,” Burton said.
I don’t know yet what I will do with my discovery made through my preoccupation with the Donner Party.
At least I am feeling some peace about my idea — peace knowing that at least one other woman has struggled with the same feelings and survived.
Will I join a women’s lib group? Will I make my husband read this blog and will it make any difference?
For now I think I'll just keep on blogging and reading — my rewards.
Burton has a just-published novel that I am currently reading called "Impatient With Desire," which is written from Tamsen Donner's point of view.
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Showing posts with label books. Show all posts
Friday, March 4, 2011
Friday, October 15, 2010
Where we’ve been
I haven’t blogged in forever, and I miss it. I have a lot that I want to write about but today I will focus on my family.
So where have we been?
The first weekend of June, two days before the children’s last day of the 2009-10 school year, our basement flooded. Rather, six inches of sewer (and water) backed up due to a clogged line along our street following a torrential rainstorm.
It was absolutely horrible. And gross. And not the first time this has happened.
It took days to get that basement clean. Because we do not have attic access, the basement is used as a storage area and there’s also a bedroom and a bathroom down there.
After we got all the crap – literally – out of the basement a professional cleaning crew came and did some demolition of drywall and carpet and then sanitized and left six industrial fans for nearly a week. They also took away tools to be refurbished and bag after bag of contaminated clothing that was cleaned and returned.
It’s been stressful for me, getting this vital part of our home back in order.
Most of the boys’ clothes are second-hand. We have 30 some Rubbermaid totes full of clothing in nearly every size for each boy. The younger ones wear hand-me-downs so those also are stored in the plastic containers. When the basement flooded those totes had to be moved to our enclosed front porch, foyer and bedrooms. There are totes all over the house. Among other basement projects, I’m working on getting them back down there since the Old Man is done with all of the new drywall.
We are just now getting our basement back. We’ve redone both the bathroom (new shower and toilet too) and the bedroom, which is now a play/game/TV room for the boys. We have an exercise area and we’re working on putting an office area in the basement for the Old Man who is now buying timber.
The week before the flood we had purchased a new front-loading washing machine. Thank God it was not damaged.
After this last incident, a backflow preventer was installed on the sewer main so I’m praying this never happens again.
In mid-June we saw "Toy Story 3," which I already blogged about – and not too nicely. Interestingly enough the boys haven’t asked when the movie comes out on DVD.
In early July we attended my mother’s wedding – Ha. That sounds funny. Well she married her beau of a decade, but he’s not my biological father. LOL. My mom and dad were married for nearly 30 years (they married when I was 5 years old), but sometimes people change. I am happy for my mother and my stepfather. I also enjoyed their party.
Later in July we took a trip to Columbus to visit COSI, which the boys liked. And stay overnight in a ritzy hotel, which the boys loved. They got to go swimming and use the gym in the over-priced abode. I got to go to some Goodwill stores in the city, which was the highlight of my trip. LOL
In August, Superhero son entered two drawings in the longtime Salt Fork Arts & Craft Festival.
He is a talented artist. A pencil and crayon piece called SpongeBob & Friends captured third place and he came home with a $10 check.
School let out very late last spring because of all the snow we had last February and March. And, it started early too – Aug. 18 because Ohio schools will only receive three calamity days this school year. The boys are into routines now. A couple days a week we’re taking advantage of free breakfast at school. Everyone is doing OK academically. The first grading period wraps up tomorrow.
Last year the now 11 year old (he celebrated a birthday on 9/11) was on the principal’s list. He is working hard but not to his potential this year. He has some organizational problems, like missing papers, books, etc. The 9 year old has finally found a series of books he likes – Magic Tree House – and has started reading for pleasure. Yes!
Today he read 40 some pages.
Superhero son has started receiving peer tutoring in reading before school three days a week. One of the 9 year old’s classmates – who is a teacher’s son - is Superhero son’s tutor. I think that’s great. A lot of days Superhero son brings home work that he did not get done in class. I don’t care that he brings work home but the boy is frustrated. I have met with his teacher to come up with a plan to help him stay on task and succeed in second grade.
This week everyone got their flu vaccine except for the Old Man who doesn’t believe he needs one.
This is where we’ve been.
So where have we been?
The first weekend of June, two days before the children’s last day of the 2009-10 school year, our basement flooded. Rather, six inches of sewer (and water) backed up due to a clogged line along our street following a torrential rainstorm.
It was absolutely horrible. And gross. And not the first time this has happened.
It took days to get that basement clean. Because we do not have attic access, the basement is used as a storage area and there’s also a bedroom and a bathroom down there.
After we got all the crap – literally – out of the basement a professional cleaning crew came and did some demolition of drywall and carpet and then sanitized and left six industrial fans for nearly a week. They also took away tools to be refurbished and bag after bag of contaminated clothing that was cleaned and returned.
It’s been stressful for me, getting this vital part of our home back in order.
Most of the boys’ clothes are second-hand. We have 30 some Rubbermaid totes full of clothing in nearly every size for each boy. The younger ones wear hand-me-downs so those also are stored in the plastic containers. When the basement flooded those totes had to be moved to our enclosed front porch, foyer and bedrooms. There are totes all over the house. Among other basement projects, I’m working on getting them back down there since the Old Man is done with all of the new drywall.
We are just now getting our basement back. We’ve redone both the bathroom (new shower and toilet too) and the bedroom, which is now a play/game/TV room for the boys. We have an exercise area and we’re working on putting an office area in the basement for the Old Man who is now buying timber.
The week before the flood we had purchased a new front-loading washing machine. Thank God it was not damaged.
After this last incident, a backflow preventer was installed on the sewer main so I’m praying this never happens again.
In mid-June we saw "Toy Story 3," which I already blogged about – and not too nicely. Interestingly enough the boys haven’t asked when the movie comes out on DVD.
In early July we attended my mother’s wedding – Ha. That sounds funny. Well she married her beau of a decade, but he’s not my biological father. LOL. My mom and dad were married for nearly 30 years (they married when I was 5 years old), but sometimes people change. I am happy for my mother and my stepfather. I also enjoyed their party.
Later in July we took a trip to Columbus to visit COSI, which the boys liked. And stay overnight in a ritzy hotel, which the boys loved. They got to go swimming and use the gym in the over-priced abode. I got to go to some Goodwill stores in the city, which was the highlight of my trip. LOL
In August, Superhero son entered two drawings in the longtime Salt Fork Arts & Craft Festival.
He is a talented artist. A pencil and crayon piece called SpongeBob & Friends captured third place and he came home with a $10 check.
School let out very late last spring because of all the snow we had last February and March. And, it started early too – Aug. 18 because Ohio schools will only receive three calamity days this school year. The boys are into routines now. A couple days a week we’re taking advantage of free breakfast at school. Everyone is doing OK academically. The first grading period wraps up tomorrow.
Last year the now 11 year old (he celebrated a birthday on 9/11) was on the principal’s list. He is working hard but not to his potential this year. He has some organizational problems, like missing papers, books, etc. The 9 year old has finally found a series of books he likes – Magic Tree House – and has started reading for pleasure. Yes!
Today he read 40 some pages.
Superhero son has started receiving peer tutoring in reading before school three days a week. One of the 9 year old’s classmates – who is a teacher’s son - is Superhero son’s tutor. I think that’s great. A lot of days Superhero son brings home work that he did not get done in class. I don’t care that he brings work home but the boy is frustrated. I have met with his teacher to come up with a plan to help him stay on task and succeed in second grade.
This week everyone got their flu vaccine except for the Old Man who doesn’t believe he needs one.
This is where we’ve been.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Best reads ever
I’ve just finished a wonderful book I want to share called “the Package” by Glenn Crabtree.
I won’t give the story away but this 2008 novel is about being lost and finding real joy, which is only possible through our Heavenly Father.
It is near the top of my Top 11 list.
Few books incite emotion in me so great that I cry real tears.
This is one of them.
This book blows “The Shack” out of the water.
Find a copy, read it and and share!
My Top 11 reads of all time:
1. Desperate Passage: The Donner Party’s Perilous Journey West by Ethan Rarick
2. The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher
3. Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven by Fannie Flagg
4. The Package by Glenn Crabtree
5. Night by Elie Wiesel
6. The Minds of Billy Milligan by Daniel Keyes
7. Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews
8. Under the Lake by Stuart Woods
9. Perfect Victim by Christine McGuire & Carla Norton
10. Light on Snow by Anita Shreve
11. The Shades by Betty Brock
The Shades, published in the early 1970s, was possibly the first chapter book I read of my own free will.
I think I bought it at a book fair at Caldwell Elementary School on the hill on North Street.
It might have been third grade.
I still have this tattered paperback now wrapped in Saran Wrap and tucked away.
Since having children I’ve purchased three copies of the book, long out of print, online so each of my three sons can have their own copy.
I shared my excitement about The Shades with the oldest boy a couple of years ago.
He hasn’t touched it.
That’s OK. He’s finding his own way through books.
And he’s loving it.
Christian just turned 10 and has read several of the Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia novels already and is on a Goosebumps kick right now.
I am a proud momma that so far at least one of the children has taken after me and his father and enjoys reading for pleasure.
Anyone who has any good adult reads up their sleeve, please send me a note.
I won’t give the story away but this 2008 novel is about being lost and finding real joy, which is only possible through our Heavenly Father.
It is near the top of my Top 11 list.
Few books incite emotion in me so great that I cry real tears.
This is one of them.
This book blows “The Shack” out of the water.
Find a copy, read it and and share!
My Top 11 reads of all time:
1. Desperate Passage: The Donner Party’s Perilous Journey West by Ethan Rarick
2. The Shell Seekers by Rosamunde Pilcher
3. Can’t Wait to Get to Heaven by Fannie Flagg
4. The Package by Glenn Crabtree
5. Night by Elie Wiesel
6. The Minds of Billy Milligan by Daniel Keyes
7. Flowers in the Attic by V.C. Andrews
8. Under the Lake by Stuart Woods
9. Perfect Victim by Christine McGuire & Carla Norton
10. Light on Snow by Anita Shreve
11. The Shades by Betty Brock
The Shades, published in the early 1970s, was possibly the first chapter book I read of my own free will.
I think I bought it at a book fair at Caldwell Elementary School on the hill on North Street.
It might have been third grade.
I still have this tattered paperback now wrapped in Saran Wrap and tucked away.
Since having children I’ve purchased three copies of the book, long out of print, online so each of my three sons can have their own copy.
I shared my excitement about The Shades with the oldest boy a couple of years ago.
He hasn’t touched it.
That’s OK. He’s finding his own way through books.
And he’s loving it.
Christian just turned 10 and has read several of the Harry Potter and Chronicles of Narnia novels already and is on a Goosebumps kick right now.
I am a proud momma that so far at least one of the children has taken after me and his father and enjoys reading for pleasure.
Anyone who has any good adult reads up their sleeve, please send me a note.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Vampires
Tonight Will announced that the Black Raspberry Jam on his PBJ sandwich looked like blood.
“It is,” I said, “And I’m a vampire!”
Seconds later the comeback kid, Will, added, “It’s not peanut butter mom, it’s blood butter.”
The conversation, though probably not appropriate for little ears or from little mouths, resulted from the fact that I had just finished reading a story in The Daily Jeffersonian headlined “‘Twilight’ wins 11 Teen Choice Awards.”
I’ll admit, I’ve shamefully been “sucked” into the “Twilight” series.
I am not proud and tell few very people that I’m now reading the fourth and final book, “Breaking Dawn” by Stephenie Meyer.
My desire to read the first book stemmed from all the hoopla about the film. I wanted to see for myself what it was all about.
I loved the 1987 comedy-horror film “The Lost Boys.” I couldn’t resist the irrestible head vampire Michael (hunky Jason Patric) and his beautiful Star, played by Jami Gertz. The soundtrack to that film also rocked.
I have not seen the movie “Twilight,” now offered on DVD.
I may watch it some day when I’m home alone.
The trailer for the upcoming “Twilight” sequel “New Moon” played during the previews when we saw “Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince” in Zanesville on Saturday.
I had already seen the vampire trailer online and was a little apprehensive about the boys and David (despises horror films) seeing it.
The boys said nothing.
“Wow,” said a sarcastic David as Jacob Black, the teen-werewolf transformed on screen when love-interest Bella Swan was confronted by a thirsty vampire.
I wonder how many of these teens who voted on the Teen Choice Awards have read the books?
The “Twilight” and “New Moon” film images online and on TV are disturbing to me, and yet, I am still a participant in this freak-show, albeit a passive follower.
No one sees what is in my head when I read the stories.
The burning question: Would Bella become a vampire?
I had to keep reading to find out!
Lead character vampire Edward Cullen (actor Robert Pattison) does nothing for my hormones.
Edward and Bella’s relationship is risky in more ways than one even before they are married.
SPOILER ALERT:
Bella does turn into a vampire.
Edward and Bella parent a half-human, half-vampire baby.
Jacob “imprints” on baby Renesmee. Whoa!!!!! Enough already.
I’m nearly finished with the last book and still can’t understand the attraction to this series.
What are these teens thinking?
Do their parents consent?
Will it ever end ...
“It is,” I said, “And I’m a vampire!”
Seconds later the comeback kid, Will, added, “It’s not peanut butter mom, it’s blood butter.”
The conversation, though probably not appropriate for little ears or from little mouths, resulted from the fact that I had just finished reading a story in The Daily Jeffersonian headlined “‘Twilight’ wins 11 Teen Choice Awards.”
I’ll admit, I’ve shamefully been “sucked” into the “Twilight” series.
I am not proud and tell few very people that I’m now reading the fourth and final book, “Breaking Dawn” by Stephenie Meyer.
My desire to read the first book stemmed from all the hoopla about the film. I wanted to see for myself what it was all about.
I loved the 1987 comedy-horror film “The Lost Boys.” I couldn’t resist the irrestible head vampire Michael (hunky Jason Patric) and his beautiful Star, played by Jami Gertz. The soundtrack to that film also rocked.
I have not seen the movie “Twilight,” now offered on DVD.
I may watch it some day when I’m home alone.
The trailer for the upcoming “Twilight” sequel “New Moon” played during the previews when we saw “Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince” in Zanesville on Saturday.
I had already seen the vampire trailer online and was a little apprehensive about the boys and David (despises horror films) seeing it.
The boys said nothing.
“Wow,” said a sarcastic David as Jacob Black, the teen-werewolf transformed on screen when love-interest Bella Swan was confronted by a thirsty vampire.
I wonder how many of these teens who voted on the Teen Choice Awards have read the books?
The “Twilight” and “New Moon” film images online and on TV are disturbing to me, and yet, I am still a participant in this freak-show, albeit a passive follower.
No one sees what is in my head when I read the stories.
The burning question: Would Bella become a vampire?
I had to keep reading to find out!
Lead character vampire Edward Cullen (actor Robert Pattison) does nothing for my hormones.
Edward and Bella’s relationship is risky in more ways than one even before they are married.
SPOILER ALERT:
Bella does turn into a vampire.
Edward and Bella parent a half-human, half-vampire baby.
Jacob “imprints” on baby Renesmee. Whoa!!!!! Enough already.
I’m nearly finished with the last book and still can’t understand the attraction to this series.
What are these teens thinking?
Do their parents consent?
Will it ever end ...
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